How often have we heard the word resilience in the past year? In difficult times we are expected to have this illusive thing called resilience. What is it? How do we bring it into our lives?
Psychology Today defines resilience as, “the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience .
I had an opportunity to create a presentation on resilience to a group locally. I asked the participants prior to the session to define what resilience meant to them personally. Many used words like survival, persistence, and putting up a good fight. Others described it as a bouncing back, a sense of refocusing, patience and adaptation. It is interesting to see these two perspectives. So, what is behind the difference in how we relate to resilience? The short answer is intention.
When we are in a challenging situation and our intention behind resilience is FEAR, we have a fight and survive response. We tend to be closed and protective of ourselves and those close to us and we rely on how we have always managed challenging times. When our intention within a challenging situation is to approach it with CURIOSITY then we tend to use the language of opportunity, bouncing back and growth. Here we tend to be more open and searching for new ways of adjusting to a challenge. There is more a sense of choice here.
Some individuals are more naturally resilient even after living extremely challenging lives. Others can feel trapped in what feels like an unending loop with the same challenges and reactions – kind of like a looping Ground Hog Day. Resilience that lifts us out of this loop can be cultivated by shifting the thought patterns or intentions that we naturally go to when we are presented with challenges.
If you are interested in finding out more about how to create resilience in your life please contact me for details on this live workshop on April 24, 2021 at 3 pm Eastern Time (Toronto, Canada). I will be providing this for no cost for this one time and then as a recorded workshop in the Listening Tree Academy as a self study.
In the November Change of Path Group one of the members had been inspired by the experience a youth in the UK was going through. To provide the background on this post here is the link to The Sun UK post about the story.
They want you to die but the judge wants you to live...
Exodus says don't eat blood but they don't give...
you're lying in the hospital bed..
God got you heaven forbid..
My God wants me to live..
In this century we don't blood sacrifice give...
They say the blood's dirty..
Still telling you this paradise you still may not be worthy..
So you're being judged twice...
There's no if you do right now you'll get everlasting life..
Nothing you ever do is enough..
Saying good Job it's just a bluff...
Put in some more hours if you're bed ridden...
There better be a letter written..
A phone call or visit...
Every minute counts there's no limit, don't miss it..
COVID hit and Zoom is their savior..
Still dress up and sit in your living room stay on your best behavior..
They're still in control..
In your house or at the Kingdom Hall, they still run the show...
Does she really have the right info..
Does she have a sound mind at 15 years old?
It doesn't matter...
The Elders come with any info they can gather..
For you I hope you choose life and realize that yours matters.
By Mitchell Wesley Nov 2020
For those who have emerged from the Jehovah’s Witnesses, many of us recover from a lot, but the last piece that can be so triggering to so many of us, are the rules regarding blood. This has affected me as well in many ways. My beloved former mother-in-law died a few years of a treatable blood disorder. I was devastated. I also know that she was informed by her doctors and her son who is a capable nurse.
I have struggled with my own stance on blood even as an independent and educated woman. This doctrine was driven home so effectively. I have had many surgeries and some with greater risk then others. At those times I have had to speak to my adult daughter and present spouse about my wishes to use all other alternatives to blood first, but that I wanted to live so would accept blood. For so many this is a “no brainer”, but so many of us struggle.
Will this teen despise the courts for forcing blood on her? Probably. Will she choose not to in the future when she is an adult? Maybe. At least at that time she will be alive to choose.
This is a big piece of our recovery as former Jehovah’s Witnesses. The “defiant” act of giving blood can be the first step for some. For others it may be those difficult discussions with loved ones before surgery. It is a piece that needs to be addressed to fully step into ourselves.
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We all have them. The rough days or weeks where you wonder why you bothered getting out of bed. It is so easy to lash out in frustration to those who cross your path. Might as well share the misery, right?! This has a negative ripple effect.
Anger is a reaction to someone knowingly or unknowingly violating your values. When I say values, I mean something deeper than family or community values. Trust, connection and so many more are the values I am talking about. * When our core values are trodden on then we can go from calm to livid in 2.8 seconds.
So how to we fortify or heal ourselves enough to be able to manage this?
Although these suggestions look simple, they are not always easy. It means really getting to know ourselves and taking personal responsibility. This can be a huge challenge when we are used to putting the responsibility for our anger in the hands of other people. It means taking our power back and mindfully taking the stand to no longer passively give power to others. We may not be able to decide or change the situation we are in, but we can change how we react and interact in it.
What are your thoughts? What has helped you move past the anger?
*Here is a list of values compiled by James Clear that is quite good.